To anyone with any interest whatsoever in clothes and style, the OnePiece has been rather controversial. So it might perhaps come as a surprise that Lord Bassington-Bassington, who normally refuses to wear anything introduced after 1967, wholeheartedly supports the wearing of OnePieces.
Yes, His Lordship informs us, he is aware that it makes people look like prison inmates, sanatorium patients or - perhaps even worse - furries.
But His Lordship's logic is this: The OnePiece represents the absolute low point in the long history of Western dress. It is absolutely impossible to look more slovenly or moronic than one does while wearing a OnePiece (even the world's most vulgar suit is no match for a OnePiece).
Because the history of fashion is not only a history of decline, but also of reactions and counter-reactions, any new fashion coming after the OnePiece has to be an improvement. So when the OnePiece fad fades out, the world will be a better place.
So His Lordship braces himself and crosses his paws in hope that the OnePiece will make a few people want to try a three-piece (like this one by Sir Paul Smith, one of our favourite designers here at Bassington Manor).
In the spirit of trying to usher in a counter-reaction, Lord Bassington-Bassington suggests that your OnePiece should be matched with a pair of Ugg boots, thus creating the least appealing outfit available to man. Uggs are, if anything, even more brilliant than the OnePiece, as Uggs are the only thing one can wear whose name is an accurate rendition of the sound His Lordship makes when seeing them.
Your Hegelian logic will prove to be your downfall, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThat remains to be seen. What would the Prophet (pbuh) say about the OnePiece? I can't remember seing anything in the Qu'ran, perhaps there is some hadith somewhere?
ReplyDeleteThe Traditions tell us that the onepiece should not have legs, like a pair of pants, but be worn like a robe or galabia - like with this fine gentleman:
ReplyDeletehttp://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/photos/uncategorized/oded.jpg
Of course, this correct onepiece should not be flashy, or in any way express vanity. Single coloured, and mute colours at that, is preferred.
It might not be an expression of vanity, but it's still incredibly stylish. It is the sort of outfit, however, that I suspect wouldn't work well on Westerners.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Lord Bassington-Bassington! I wear one-piece all the time! Tricolor! Comes with long ears!
ReplyDeleteGustav Beowulf of Lulubelle
No, probably not. Which is why I propose that any stylish evolution from the current trend of horrendous onepieces, will be a onepiece made to look like a dark three-piece suit.
ReplyDeleteOh the horror.
And for the record, being stylish and being vain are too very different things. While vanity is abhorred by true Islam, the Prophet (pbuh) was a chap who understood the concept of personal style.
My dear Gustav: Yes, we Bassets are blessed with natural grace. We can pity these humans who have to put on clothes to look stylish.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Mullah: Yes, I've always enjoyed how the Prophet's (pbuh) manners are described in the hadiths, and of course, His green robe is justly famous.
ReplyDeleteAs for footwear, thou hast obviously not heard of crocks.
ReplyDeleteI don't think they exist, apart from pictures that are obvious fabrications. The universe would not accept the existence of such abominations without imploding.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately they are worn by most employees at my local Kiwi store. Which proves their existence.
ReplyDeleteWell, that's what people sometimes claim. I don't trust those claims. I have no way of verifying whether they're true or not, and prefer to be skeptical towards them. For, as we know, the planes on 9/11 were images created in the video labs of ZOG, and pictures I've seen of people wearing crocs have the same feeling of unreality about them.
ReplyDeleteBut I have tasted crocks! Believe me! Awful artificial taste! Nothing like a leather shoe of good quality!
ReplyDeleteGustav Beowulf of Lulubelle
But surely, nothing can match a leather shoe of good quality, in any way?
ReplyDeleteI am fascinated by your refutal of the existence of crockers, not unlike the Arab scholar Abd-al-Hazred's denial of shoggoths outside the real of [really nasty] dreams. Now that would be a true horror: Shoggoths in onepieces wearing crockerzpzx}*¨-"#@...............
ReplyDelete[This text has been aborted due to the author's sudden unexpected brain haemorrage and committal to Arkham Asulum]