Satanic curses

Cursing. Most humans do it, but if you ask Lord Bassington-Bassington, they tend to do it badly. Curses usually revolve around references to human copulation (disgusting stuff, in any Basset hound’s opinion) or blasphemy (boring, to anyone grown up on heavy metal). The art of cursing needs to be rescued. And who better to teach the world the noble art of cursing than a Satanist?



(Photo: Carl Abrahamsson.)


Enter sharp-dressed iconoclast Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan. Like most religious teachers, be they Christians, Muslims (or, indeed, Humanists) Lord Bassington-Bassington has his his differences with Mr. Lavey's teachings, but he has usually gotten on swimmingly with LaVey’s followers (and LaVey himself, the one time His Lordship was fortunate enough to spend some time with him). They are simply nicer than they would like you to believe.

But not only was LaVey the founder of one of the most interesting new religious movements of the last century, he was also a master curser. This list is of creative curses is from a copy of The Cloven Hoof, issue 129 (1997).

"for the love of mike!" – "zounds!" – "for pete's sake!" – "gadzooks!" – "for crying out loud!" – "criminetles!" – "leaping lizards!” – "pish! tosh!" – "hell's bells!” – "suffering succotash!" – "cheese and crackers...(got all muddy!)" – "land's sakes!" – "me oh my!" – "well, blow me down!" – "what the hey!" – "son of a gun!" – "hail columbia!" – "well, i swan! " – "son of a bee hive!" – "swear to god!" – "hot dog!" – "gol dang it!" – "i'll be buttered!" – "gosh darn it!" – "what in blue blazes!" – "dag nab it!" – "what the sam hill!" – "doggone it!" – "what the deuce!" – "i'll be doggoned!" – "dog my cats!" – "jiminy crickets!" – "good grief!" – "shoot!" – "holy cow!" – "fiddlesticks!" – "by golly!" – "i'll be a monkey's uncle!" – "gripes!" – "egads!" – "jeez!" – "you're full of prunes!" – "by golly!" – "none of your beeswax!" – "by gum!" – "for criminy sakes!" – "by jupiter!" – "shucks!" – "omigosh!" – "what the (heck!)" – "excuse my dust!" – "don't stop now!" – "by heck!" – "this'll kill ya!" – "you don't say!" – "oh, fudge!" – "good grief!" – "h-e-double toothpicks!" – "good heavens!" – "land sakes!" – "go to blazes!" – "sakes alive!" – "heavens to betsy!" – "well, i'll be!" – "jumping jehosephat!" – "great scott!" – "lord love a duck!" – "great balls of fire!" – "holy moley!" – "glorioski!" – "saints preserve us!" – "land o goshen!" – "good gravy!" – "tarnation!" – "consarn – "shiver me timbers!" – "yumping yimminy!" – "oy, veh iz mir!" – "if dat don't take de cake!" – "shut my mouth!" – "yikes!" – "mama mia!" – "the cat's pajamas!" – "the monkey's instep!" – "s.o.b!" – "son of a sea cook!" – "son of a biscuit!" – "pshaw!" – "bushwa!" – "zut alors!" – "aw, nertz!" – "oh, nuts!" – "golly!" – "golly gee!" – "holy moses!" – "by jove!" – "gosh almighty!" – "goodness gracious!" – "good gravy!" – "by george!" – "great guns!" – "holy cats!" – "confound it!" – "gee whillikers!" – "gee whiz!" – "godfrey daniel!" – "cut it out...you're – killin' me!" – "good heavens!" – "holy smoke!" – "by cracky!" – "my stars!" – "judas priest!" – "bless my soul!" – "upon my word!" – "the cat's meow!" – "jiminy christmas!" – "blimey!" – "honest injun!" – "caramba!" – "i'll be a dirty – so and so!" – "i'll be darned!" – "how d'ye like that!" – "whadda ya know about that!" – "gimme a break!" – "hang it all!" – "ain't it the truth!" – "shadrack, mesach, and a billy goat!" – "three cheers & a tiger!" – "aw, figs!" – "fan my brow!" – "tan my hide!" – "great day in the morning!" – "glory be!" – "holy mackerel!" – "heavenly days!" – "stuff and nonsense!" – "my aching back!" – "for pity's sakes!" – "whadda ya gonna do!" – "that's telling 'em – "well, strike me pink!" – "you don't say!" – "sez you!" – "so's your old man!" – "your mudder wears army shoes!" – "go chase yourself!"

Lord Bassington-Bassington would like to thank Reverend Kevin I. Slaughter for transcribing this list.

So, by Jove, go out and curse!