Friday, 26 February 2010

Slipper-y slope

When the winter nights bite, there’s nothing so good as a pair of slippers. But slippers can be horrible things, and Lord Bassington-Bassington has so far avoided them like, well, if not quite like the plague, then at least some other uncomfortable affliction - say, an ear infection (always a tricky condition for Bassets).

Still, His Lordship thinks that if the slippers are made of velvet and emblazoned with a nice motif they become less granddad-y and more Baudelaire-y, and thus perhaps acceptable for use around Bassington Manor. And a little research has turned up some rather delightful slippers.

These green velvet slippers send His Lordship's thoughts back to old Laibach record covers, and thus back to a million fond memories.

Lord Bassington-Bassington’s favourite purveyors of footwear, Jeffery West, have also gotten into the slipper action with these sleek numbers.

But the real crown is taken by New and Lingwood, meanswear extraordinaire, with these Pirate King slippers. They have the same motif that's on one of His Lordship's hankies, and the possibility for matching is intriguing.

Whatever pair of velvet slippers Lord Bassington-Bassington ends up selecting, there just one problem: His Lordship's better three quarters, Lady Mju, is solidly against them, and if he aquires a pair of velvets she has threatened to buy a pair of felt slippers, the least sexy piece of footwear known to man (even if they do look rather snappy on Sonny Duckworth.)


  1. Now tell me, my dear Lord Bassington-Bassington, How does these slippers feel like between your teeth? I mean, that must be of some importance here! Only threats to withdraw pig-ears for at least a week (well, anyway, for as long as the mum-slave can keep up with the 'sorry-me' look, which - I'm sure I don't have to tell your Lordship - is usually less than that...) keeps me away from the dad-slaves brand new black slippers without ornaments. But they are very tempting, looks juicy and there's a fantastic aroma finding it's way to my nostrils whenever I get a chance to sniff them out.

    Velvet just sounds delicious!

    Gustav Beowulf of Lulubelle

  2. My dear Gustav Beowulf: Your questions are to the point.

    When last I visited New & Lingwood in Jermyn Street – something of a temple for me, I must admit – I attempted to get a taste of their slippers. But instead of understanding this as a normal part of the shopping procedure, the staff screamed something like ”get that f***ing dog outta here” and tried to hit me with a broom. I’ve never been so insulted in my life! A dog? Me?!

    So New & Lingwood are certainly not a Basset-friendly establishment, but their wares are too good for me to boycott them (they make the best covert coats I know of, for example).

    So I have a novel suggestion: That we Bassets leave the velvet slippers alone, and instead declare war on felt slippers. Felt might not be as tempting to sink one’s teeth into as velvet, but the eradication of felt slippers is a noble purpose and I do think the felt slippers are rather high in fiber, which will help combat canine bloating.